10 Reasons to Prepare for Marriage
I cannot wait for another semester of Making Marriage Make Sense to start. This week we will welcome nearly 50 seriously dating, engaged and newly married couples on an 8-week journey to discover God's design for marriage. My prayer is to see couples discover an enjoyable, lasting and inspirational marriage. I believe it is possible. But I’ve learned that not everyone prepares for marriage. So, I've decided to give 10 reasons why you should prepare for marriage. Some of you can attest to the points below. For the good of the rest of the world, please add your comments to this post!
1. You have no idea what you are doing.
Marriage is no cake-walk. You are more selfish than you realize and your selfishness conspires against healthy relationships. Good pre-marriage training will help you foresee and prepare for some of what you don't see coming.
2. You have bad habits.
Good marriages come from good habits. If you are single, most of your habits are built around you. You need help establishing new and helpful habits that promote an enjoyable, lasting and inspirational marriage. Good habits are hard to start and bad habits are hard to break. Good marriages aren't defined by a few good days, but rather through consistently doing the right things.
3. Because you are "in love."
Being "in love" will get you to your wedding but it won't build a marriage. The emotional wave of dating and engagement is wonderful but does not last. A marriage takes real work whether you have the "loving' feeling" or not!
4. You are not the exception.
I know what you have found is special. I know you have the kind of love that defies the odds. I know you are going to do things better than your parents and all those other people who have lousy marriages. But just in case…get some training!!
5. Good sex does not equal a good marriage.
Can I say it? You are probably already having sex. It is the rare couple today that is saving sex for marriage. I think you should wait for marriage but I won't go into that here. The problem is, having sex before marriage almost always clouds your judgment. It creates unrealistic expectations and insecurities that are difficult to overcome.
6. You have parents.
I wish everyone came from wonderful Christian homes where awesome marriages were on display 24/7, but that's not reality. Nearly everyone has major deficits from their family of origin. Your "baggage" affects your marriage. Much of it lays dormant until after the wedding day, then BAM it hits your marriage and your spouse is frustrated. With a little help, you can see some of this coming and plan accordingly.
7. Mediocre happens.
Nobody gets married for mediocre. However, lots of people find themselves in mediocre marriages. How do you keep it from happening to you? Can couples stay fresh and satisfied in marriage for the long haul? YES! But it won't happen by accident.
8. Divorce is too easy.
Unfortunately most of us have grown up in a world where divorce played out in front of our eyes. We practiced divorce in our dating lives. When we discovered what we didn't like, we broke up and moved on. This is our training. If you want a divorce-proof marriage you have to train for it.
9. You may not need to get married.
This is painfully sad news. Good pre-marriage training will raise issues in such a way that forces you to be sure you are ready to dive into the deep end of the marriage pool. Some of you are not ready. You need help knowing the difference in attraction and commitment. This could save you years of pain and regret.
10. It’s more fun.
God wants you to ENJOY marriage. The more problems you face, the less fun it is and the more you miss out on God's design. Don't get me wrong, marriage in not centered on your happiness but God does expect that you have fun and enjoy one another. This kind of enjoyment comes from trusting God at His Word and working toward oneness together. You can do it!