"How married are you?"
I do a TON of weddings. I love them. I get a front row seat to watch God take two people and make them one. Contrary to our society's casual view of marriage, I still think it's a Holy thing. I believe there are occasions where Heaven and Earth overlap, where the divine touches down to earth, where the perfect makes contact with the imperfect. And when that happens, we are getting a taste of what God made us to experience. Marriage is one such occasion. The love shared between a man and a woman grows to the point where the two commit their lives together and then God comes in an does a work that is absolutely real yet invisible to our eyes. It is God that makes the two become one. It is God that "joins together."
Yet in our society today we see a far lower view of marriage. The bottom line is: because we no longer see marriage as sacred, we don't put in the care or effort that this great calling of marriage demands. We are losing that sense of responsibility to almighty God in our marriages. The Christian view of marriage as found in Scripture gives us an understanding that marriage is lived not only in view of our spouse but in view of God. There is a higher calling in marriage. I not only made a vow to my spouse, I made a vow before God.
Here in recent days, I have been bombarded by marriages in trouble. It never ceases to break my heart when I learn the condition so many couples are in.
The never ending conflicts.
The hurtful speech.
Yet in every ceremony I perform, there are vows given and received. The problem is not promise making, it's promise keeping. What I see so often is a subtle distance that creeps in on every couple. The love you felt on your wedding day is weathered by time and busyness and fatigue. Your commitment to your spouse feels less and less as important as your personal happiness. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for happiness. I just think it's a terrible measure of a marriage. Likewise, I don't write all this to advocate couples prolonging abusive or damaging relationships. The question I want you to consider is, "How married are you?" Have you grown bored? Have you forgotten the good thing you have in your spouse? When was the last time you said "thank you" to your spouse? Does your spouse know in no uncertain terms that you are committed to the marriage and giving 100% effort to have a great marriage?
I hope and pray you are 100% married and I hope you know that being married goes well beyond sharing a last name, a bank account or an address.