No Silver Bullets in Marriage

No Silver Bullets in Marriage
No marriage is perfect. Whether you perceive your marriage challenges as great or small, you are not alone. Everyone could stand to see their marriage improve. In all my years and countless marriage coaching sessions with real couples, I still haven’t found the “silver bullet” for marriage. 

Wouldn’t it be great if it existed? Imagine that one thing... if you just said it or did it, your marriage would be awesome...
Wake up! This is reality; there is no such thing!

So, maybe there’s no silver bullet, but if I had to identify one thing that gives you the greatest chance for marital success, what would it be? As much as it pains me to say it, I think it’s humility. I know, it’s not sexy. I probably just lost hundreds of blog readers just bringing it up. But think about it, humility is the basic ingredient for every good thing you want, and more importantly what God wants for your marriage. 

Humility is a posture of considering others more important than yourself. That’s exactly where marriage problems are born, in selfishness. Humility breaks us out of our selfish thinking.
Humility says, "I want you to be blessed."
Humility says, "I will lay aside my preferences for your sake.”
Humility says, “How may I serve you?"
Humility is superior to demanding your way; humility is a gift.

Just take the average marital frustrations out there...
"He never acknowledges how hard I work at home.”
"She never wants to be intimate.”
"He demeans me in front of our friends."
“She doesn’t support my career."
“He drinks too much."
“She’s always on her phone."
The list could go on for days!

There is not a scenario that humility wouldn’t help. Humility is not being run over or taken advantage of. Humility never loses sight of God's best for your marriage. Mistreatment of any kind is never God’s best for a marriage. Humility is not a position of weakness, it is a position of strength. Humility is blessing your marriage and your spouse by denying your selfishness and giving your best to the marriage.

Humility is truly listening to your spouse’s concerns and joys and fears.
Humility is graciously giving to your spouse without being asked.
Humility is taking responsibility for your words and actions without excuse.
Humility is denying your own preferences in order to bless your spouse.
Humility is choosing to be part of the solution instead of adding to the problem.

Every marriage needs a healthy dose of humility. Would you consider your spouse's needs and desires above your own? That’s right..above your own! I know what you’re thinking. You've tried this. You sucked it up and focused on your spouse but they never came around and reciprocated. I have two responses to that objection. First, if your humility is motivated by an ulterior motive of personal gain, it’s not humility. Humility gives freely for the good of another with NO strings attached. Secondly, many marriages have lived in the war zone of two selfish people trying to get their way. It takes some time to convince your spouse that you are no longer their enemy. The power of humility should never be underestimated.

Would you consider growing in humility?
The only effective way to grow in humility is to turn your eyes upon Jesus. Jesus was the only truly humble person to ever walk the earth. The more you get to know Him and experience His humility toward you, the more convinced you will be that humility looks good on everyone.

What is one way to you can add some humility in your marriage?

At Highpoint Church, we host a ministry just for married couples built on this very premise. It’s called ReEngage. Our hope and prayer is to help boring, bruised and broken marriages harness the power of humility and restore a thriving and joyful marriage again. To learn more please visit: or show up ANY Thursday at 6:30pm at our East Memphis campus.
Posted by Andy Savage at 8:29 PM
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