Staying connected in the chaos.
Nothing is more frustrating than to realize you are NOT on the same page in your marriage. Different views on in-laws, money, sex, home decor, major purchases, minor purchases, how to discipline the kids, hobbies, chores, social media…need I write more!? We all share the same basic expectation of marriage: that this new WE relationship feels more like WE and less like HE or SHE. But we are all human. We don’t communicate clearly. We seek to understand. Our selfishness gets the best of us and we hit that foreboding wall of frustration…we are NOT on the same page. No matter how seemingly insignificant the issue is, realizing you are not on the same page in marriage feels awful. It’s like the progress of your relationship comes to a screeching halt.
Unity in marriage is not just an expectation we have in marriage, it’s an expectation God
has for marriage. I believe every couple needs to get on the same page on these 3 vital areas.
1. Sex. Chances are, you and your spouse differ when it comes to expectations about sex. One of you wishes you had sex every day (or at least every other day). The other one of you…well, let’s just say every day sounds exhausting! Here’s the reality. Most couples DO NOT talk about sex. Yet, the very same couples live in the realm of disinterest and frustration all the time. If you happen to be the one who desires sex less than your spouse, pay close attention here...It means the world to your spouse for you to show interest in this area. You have the opportunity to be a blessing to your spouse by simply being agreeable to sex. If you want to blow their minds, initiate sex on occasion! I believe if couples get on the same page about sex, they will reduce overall frustration, improve marital satisfaction and experience greater communication across the board.
Everyone is opinionated about money; however, some people are worried about money. Chances are, one of you worries about money. The worrier doesn’t lack faith and isn’t a stick in the mud, they simply function better when financial security is not at risk. Couples need to find common ground in the world of money. I cannot pass this opportunity to strongly recommend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University.
This course will give you the tools needed to get the two of you on the same page in marriage. If you are more the “free-spirit” when it comes to money, remember you have an opportunity to bless your spouse by playing within the bounds of a budget, being more forthright with your spending and paying attention when you have one of those “money talks.” I believe couples who get on the same page with their money, ALWAYS end up with more.
3. Social Media. This is an issue tailor made for our generation. We forfeit hours of quality time and attention by staring at our device of choice while sitting three feet away from someone we’ve committed our life to. Social media and technology have to become a topic of conversation. I believe it is in the best interest of your marriage to share ALL passwords to all social media accounts and access to all devices. Couples should determine some clear boundaries around when it is and is not acceptable to drift off into social media land when they're together. We should willingly receive concerns from our spouse who may feel we, “spend too much time on Facebook” or says, “I don’t think you should be following that Instagram user.” Social media needs a big downgraded overall in our personal lives. I believe if reasonably smart couples simply have the discussion, they can keep social media in its proper place and not allow it to become a deadly distraction.
Here’s my final challenge - would the two of you, sit down and write out 2-3 sentences stating your hopeful expectations regarding sex, money and social media? Do this exercise separately then come together for a respectful discussion and share what you wrote. From there, compromise until you land on a set of expectations that you both feel good about. Guess what? You just might discover that glorious moment when you and your spouse are on the same page!