I had a great response to this morning's blog "A Man's Guide to Valentine's Day" so by popular demand, here is the guide for women.
Ladies, your husband is not nearly as complex as you are. By and large, men think Valentine's Day as goofy. We criticize it as another reason for Hallmark to make millions of dollars. Even today many men shook their heads as they left for work and they passed the dozen roses dying in the vase at the tune of 50 bucks. Men feel somewhat obligated to this holiday, and though we can all see the value in taking a special opportunity to express love, we see things a little differently.So, wives, here are a few tips for you this Valentine's Day...I mean Valentine's week.
1. Sex. You knew it was coming. Your husband wants to have sex. Even if he doesn't say it, he believes that Valentine's Day, his birthday, anniversary and perhaps even Father's Day should be guaranteed sex with his wife. He prefers that you seem excited about this opportunity, but he will take obligatory sex as well. Believe it or not wives but many husbands consider sex as vital to the health and well being of your marriage. Too long without sex makes him feel like a defeated failure. Sex within marriage helps husbands feel all is right with the world.
2. Food. A close second to sex is food, preferably meat (unless he's a vegetarian, in that case beans...I guess). A nice filet goes a long way into making a man feel loved. I believe Texas de Brazil was made for men. Ladies, I know you get grossed out by all that meat but he loves it. When a man's wife goes out of her way to make his favorite meal, it makes him feel loved and understood. Just be prepared; when a man feels loved and understood by his wife, he will likely want to have sex.
3. Lingerie. Yes, I know you wives think I should have included this under #1, but men see these differently. Sex is what it is. We love it, and yes, we are good to go pretty much anytime. When a man's wife wears lingerie, she makes him feel wanted. This is a big deal to men. Our greatest fear is feeling like a failure. When our wives make us feel wanted, we feel successful. This is one of the dangers of pornography and why I'm so strongly against it! Men who look at porn are seeking an artificial sense of success and doing so with images of someone other that their wives. Men, if you look at porn, stop or get help so you can stop. Instead, make your wife the ONLY one you fantasize about and the ultimate standard of beauty and sexiness in your mind. Wives, we like lingerie...it usually leads to sex.
4. Man movies. Men are inspired by movies of heroic men. Not all movies are created equal. I think most men resonate with the movies that depict sacrifice, redemption and strong love. Some examples are every Rocky movie, Braveheart, Saving Private Ryan, Gladiator and most Bruce Willis movies. I would even include the Passion of the Christ for obvious reasons. Men are highly visual in their approach to life, so inspiring movies can be a great gift both to help them unwind and to give them a little reminder of the calling of manhood as a life of sacrifice, redemption and love...and watching things blow up! Just so you know wives, at the end of the movie he will probably be in the mood for sex.
5. Guy time. Men tend to be task-oriented in their work lives. So, even though most men are "around other adults all day," it does not equal enjoying positive and needed relational time with friends. It's good for men to gather around a basket of hot wings and talk sports or hobbies. The only think I'd add from a Christian male perspective is the need for men to be connected to other men in true Biblical accountability. As men, our tendency is to live in surface level relationships with most people. We need to have a few trusted friends, a band of brothers if your will, to hang with from time to time. Wives, you may have to help your husband carve out time for this. Just so you know wives, some good guy time will likely mean he comes home ready for sex.
6. Encouraging words. Men need to know their wives believe in them. Frankly this one out ranks the previous 5. Husbands need to know that the #1 woman in his life respects him and honors him as the most important man in her life. Very few men have a confidence much greater than the confidence their wives have for them. Men need to hear it or read it. Wives, tell your husbands what a great husband they are or what a great dad they are or how grateful you are for all they do. Men are extremely tangible. Speak of what they do more than how you feel, we men are far less in touch with emotions and it just doesn't connect. But if you bring up the and handful of things we've done, you have truly encouraged us! Just so you know wives, a few encouraging words will likely lead to sex.
I hope this is equally helpful for you wives out there who are never quite sure what to do for your husband on Valentine's Day. If you still aren't sure...just go with #1.
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