In marriage, one of the best ways to communicate love to your wife is to listen. Let me say that again husbands...LISTEN. If you are like me, it’s easy to get distracted or simply default to giving short answers or grunts. Wives may not fully understand what a challenge it is to engage in conversation at the end of a day or in some cases, anytime of the day! However; husbands, marriage is a relationship that involves your participation. Wives everywhere live in frustration because they try to talk to their man and he seems distant, disinterested or demeaning. Most husbands I talk to really love their wives and want to be kind and loving, but the communication/listening thing doesn’t seem to come naturally. So, I want to give you a secret to good communication with your wife. This secret will improve your listening skills and total engagement in conversation with your wife. It will make you a better husband. And I promise, this is not very hard, but it does require some effort.
Here’s the secret… Ask three questions.
That’s it. Three questions. When you are in conversation with your wife and she shares something with you, it can be about anything…the kids, a conversation with her mother, the latest project she found on Pinterest, her friend who has cancer, the latest mommy blog she’s read, whatever! Simply ask her three follow-up questions. This is NOT fake sincerity. This is choosing to engage, even if the subject matter seems foreign or uninteresting to you. This is one way to show that you value your wife and what’s on her mind. Once she responds to the first question, ask another. The goal is to go three questions deep in conversation with your wife. Resist the urge to offer opinions, judgements or shut-down statements, especially when they start with, “I think you oughtta…” or “That’s dumb…” or “OK.” Starting with questions postures you in a learning mode instead of a solving mode. This will give your wife permission to share more of what’s on her mind while communicating your confidence in her communication style, personality and ability to problem solve without you taking over.
I know this is the exact opposite of what most husbands want from their wives. Wives, when your husband mentions something and you follow it up with a series of questions, he likely feels some combination of being attacked, overwhelmed and disoriented. However, husbands, you can dramatically improve your engagement with your wife by simply going three questions deep in conversation. It may take some practice to come up with good, meaningful questions, but I promise, this works.